Why is jealousy important

So what to do about it? Well, if you can, in the context of the conversation, pipe in! Odds are, your partner will pick up on your hope to shift gears. If not, wait it out, and explain how you're feeling once the other person has left. Plain and simple, admit to your jealousy: "Hey, I felt kind of jealous when X came up to us at the party.

I felt like they were giving you a lot of attention, and I felt left out. This situation may feel a little more uncomfortable, as it's more likely to produce other feelings such as inadequacy. But this situation is similar to the above. Sure, you don't want to assume your partner is up to no good, but you're entitled to feel what you feel. If they're with another person at a party and you feel threatened, you can feel free to try to include yourself. If that feels forced or uncomfortable, simply bring it up to your partner after the conversation has ended.

Hearing anyone brag about their successes can be really annoying, but in the context of our relationships, we usually want to be there as a sounding board for some bragging. We want to feel happy for our partners when they succeed. That said, there are extenuating circumstances.

Maybe you had a bad day at work. Maybe you're experiencing a bout of depression. Maybe you're sick. Regardless of why you're not feeling your best, hearing your partner succeeding when you feel subpar can produce jealousy. Rather than probing the jealousy as it is likely somewhat irrational , simply tell your partner you're not feeling your best. You may even say something like, "Listen: I'm super happy for you about X. But I'm just having a rough time right now. Do you mind if we talk about it later?

Couples often pursue particular activities together. You and your partner may decide to take up yoga. But what happens when they get praise for their handstand in yoga class? You may feel jealous. And that's OK. After class to keep with this example , you may casually say to your partner: "Ha. I felt kind of jealous in yoga when the teacher complimented you.

Want to help me with my handstand? You're just being honest, and that will bring you closer. When you're in a relationship, you often quickly start to feel like every detail of your partner's life is a part of yours. Perhaps they always text you during the day to tell you what they ate for lunch or what their co-worker said to them in the bathroom. Sometimes, you even feel like you deserve to know everything about your partner's life.

Sometimes this can morph into codependency, which is actually not so healthy. So it can feel painful when we learn from someone else something about our partner that we were unaware of—even if it's totally nonthreatening.

She says people experience envy in completely different ways. When we think about healthy relationships, we envision mutual trust, respect, communication and compassion. Leela Magavi, M. This fear often morphs into jealousy, which is actually kind of sweet when you think about it.

It means we want a commitment. We may become jealous of the attention our partners give to others because we want to be the only apple of their eye. This is healthy when it clarifies and solidifies the definition of your relationship with your partner. Again, this can be a good thing—for real! Magavi says. Ryan and Alex, the real-life couple behind Duo Life , build on this sentiment by addressing the jealousy we may feel directly towards our partner.

Formerly engineers, this husband-and-wife team now coaches couples on nutrition, fitness and living their happiest lives together.

Finally, a little jealousy can be a nice reminder that the two of you are absolute catches. When a stranger flirts with you, but you only have eyes for your partner, it can remind them how lucky they are. Healthy jealousy results in growth.

This may look like one partner coming to terms with insecurities and devising a plan to deal with them. It may look like both partners talking more openly about emotions or simply better understanding each other.

Ryan and Alex say healthy jealousy is acknowledged jealousy, plain and simple. This can definitely include sharing your feelings with your partner, but it really begins within you, the person experiencing it. Magavi says a partner willing to discuss their feelings in an honest way is demonstrating healthy jealousy.

Embrace vulnerability. This also applies to folks whose partners are the ones feeling jealous. If they bring up an uncomfortable flirting incident and have a reason to be jealous, be upfront about it. Not the most fun conversation, but a necessary one if you want the relationship to thrive. I admitted to my husband that I was afraid I would be too envious when I got there because I wanted to be one of the ones speaking at the event -- not just another member of the audience.

I laughed out loud after hearing those words come out of my mouth -- realizing how ridiculous it sounded -- and soon enough my jealousy subsided and I signed-up.

Ever since that experience, I've come to learn that all emotions serve a purpose, so by pushing them away, I'm actually missing out on the opportunity to discover more about myself and what I want from life. My emotions, including jealousy, can act as a bit of a compass or magnifying glass, and when it comes to life or career goals, jealousy can actually be useful. Here are five reasons why jealousy is a good thing: 1. It reveals your next step.

You have to actually know what you want to get there, right? Awareness is key when you're trying to reach your goals, and I believe jealousy is something that's actually quite a good indicator of where you want to be in your life. It points out where you may be holding back and what your true emotion is regarding a life step or goal. Until I felt that twinge of jealousy, I was actually unaware of my desire to speak at events.

It helps you make connections. It can range in intensity. You may feel suspicious jealousy or reactive jealousy. The former is based on perception and is often tied to low self-esteem and insecurity and the latter is based on situations that actually threaten the relationship, and is often tied to actions or situations that lead to or cause the betrayal of trust. Jealousy can lead to other emotions or feelings.

In healthy doses, jealousy can serve as a reminder to cherish or prioritize a relationship. High degrees of jealousy, however, can impact the overall quality of a relationship. According to Dr. Gonzalez-Berrios, the following physical symptoms may occur when jealousy arises:. Jealousy can occur at any time, especially in situations that feel threatening, but the emotion can also build up over time, too.

Jealousy can be difficult to understand and process. Depending on the situation, you may feel embarrassed, threatened, insecure, or abandoned. Various psychological and socioeconomic factors can contribute to jealousy. Depending on your personality and attachment style, you may be more prone to experiencing the emotion. High levels of interdependence in a relationship may increase your risk of jealousy, for instance.

Many situations can make you feel jealous. Some common ones include:. While there are many forms of jealousy, there are two main categories: normal and abnormal jealousy. The six main types, described by Dr. Gonzalez-Berrios, are:. Jealousy is a normal human emotion, but abnormal jealousy can put you or others in danger.

The most common treatment options include:.